My Evil Piano Teacher
My Evil Piano Teacher


[Discordant piano notes and loud sobbing] [Morbid piano chord intro] Hello Internet, I’d like to tell you a story about dreams and how they get crushed and die. A lot of you guys know that I play the piano …badly. (plays Twinkle Twinkle Little Star like a innocent Phillip ) It’s not something my family forced me to do when I was younger I actually decided to start learning myself, when I was twelve, when I saw something so beautiful, and inspiring, that it changed my life forever; An episode of ‘Arthur’. I am not joking, this is what made me want to learn piano. (Arthur playing Für Elise and then comes onto the screen to show his love ) I was just so genuinely moved by Arthur the Aardvark playing ‘Für Elise’ and thought he was so damn cool which, you know, obviously he is, and just wanted to BE like him that I asked my Mum if I could have piano lessons. Now, my family couldn’t afford to buy a proper piano or… anything generally, so I had to wait several months until Christmas when I got this shitty keyboard – you know the one. The one that they had in all the schools that does the: DJ! and the (suggestive “mmmm”) and the (sexual “yeahh”) Yeah, I spent the first few months pretty much just making sex noises. But then it was finally time to get lessons and fulfill my dream of becoming an aardvark. I spent weeks saving up money by doing jobs for my family and my neighbours, and found there was a piano teacher on my street: A little old lady who had been a tutor for about fifty years. Now, you may be wondering why I made out like this was a bad story and why this all sounds quite past tense. After all, if I started learning twelve years ago, surely I’m some incredible pianist by now? nOPE, because I quit after eight weeks. Now, why would I quit something that I was genuinely inspired to do and still love to this day? Easy; My piano teacher was an evil fUCKING MONSTER WHO CRUSHED MY SPIRIT LIKE AN ELEPHANT TRAMPLING ON A SWEET INNOCENT FLOWER [Crickets chirping] [Mumbling inner monologue] Take it easy. What first appeared to be a kind grandma teaching children the joys of music turned out to be a sadistic witch passing the time until her lonely death by shredding children’s aspirations to pieces. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA *sith powers* This is an accurate recreation of the first time we met: [Singing] I’m gonna learn the pian-ee and then I’ll be cool and finally have friends! [Elderly woman’s voice] Sit. Hi, my name is – (triggered) SPEAK when spoken to. *gulps* (condescendingly) You want to play the piano, do you? …Yes? [Cackling, which gets louder and louder until it resembles an evil laugh] There was something bloody wrong with her; to this day, I have never met someone as relentlessly miserable, negative, and frankly CREEPY as this piano teacher. Here are some of the various things she ACTUALLY said to me: Show me your hands. Hmm, ugly fat fingers, that’s not promising. [sound effect] I teach classical ONLY, none of this pop rubbish that you’ll want to play, and I choose. Oh, I taught myself how to play ‘Für Elise’. (proud) Really? (doubtful) Well, let me hear you play it. [Takes a deep breath, then plays one note of ‘Für Elise’] Stop! Awful, I don’t know if it’s possible to unlearn that, frankly. But it’s my favourite song! I’d love to learn to play it properly – It’s a terrible song, I hate it. It is easily the worst thing Beethoven ever composed. [sound effect] [Singing nervously] Piano’s still fun, fun, fun, not afraid or crying at night. [Annoyed] You are four minutes late! Sorry, I had to wash my neighbour’s car to get money for today’s lesson. If you can’t afford it, then don’t waste my time. I’m not doing this for fun! [Crying] Literally, exact quotes that have stuck with me for over a decade. [Sarcastically] I wonder why? She was the guy from ‘Whiplash’, except I had no talents to refine. Any aspect that I might have thought would be fun about learning an instrument just turned into something that I was doing wrong, and, to be honest, learning to read sheet music just felt like another piece of homework that I had to do after school. I’d actually do Maths homework to procrastinate from practicing piano out of fear. That’s heavy. Now, I bet you’re thinking, ‘Alright Dan, where’s this going? Is she gonna redeem herself with a tragic backstory, or maybe you’ll both rescue a cat out of a tree together and become best friends?’ Nope, no idea, she was just a total dick. I hope you’re somebody that laughs at other people’s misfortunes, you’re not just sat there with a sad face already, ’cause this is just gonna keep going downhill. The moment she completely lost me, though, was when she went to the bathroom once in a lesson and I used the opportunity to snoop around her house, obviously, looking for some kind of proof that she was a super-villain or alien… Your son was killed by a falling piano. No, you were married to a piano, but then he died – No, you wanted to be a piano, but you were born in a human body. … and decided to open her fridge, ’cause, you know, obviously, that’s where everybody keeps their secrets, and, I shit you not, this was by far the weirdest thing in this whole ordeal, her entire fridge was filled with meat. Just meat. No vegetables, no milk, no condiments of any kind, just individual bits of meat in boxes. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope… [Fridge door slams] In hindsight, she could have totally been a cannibal or something. I have no idea why I didn’t mention this to anyone. For two months, twice a week, I was subjected to her abuse in the terrifying, dusty meat cave and paying for it myself, until, one day, I had a profound realisation. [Sighs] *realization ding* Wait a minute, if I saved my money, I could have bought a PS2 by now! Pfft, fuck this! And I just didn’t turn up to the lesson. I went home, watched an episode of ‘Arthur’ with a bag of crisps, and didn’t do my Math homework either. No related reason, I just didn’t like my Maths teacher. [With an Irish accent] Shut up, okay? Right, today lads, we’re going to be talking about surds. [Normal voice] I felt like I finally beat the cycle of manipulative behaviour and the joy was beginning to return to my life when suddenly, like the climax of a really weird movie, she turned up outside my house. [Knocking and sinister music] Hello? I never considered that she’d come to me; I didn’t know this bat could walk, I just assumed that she grew out of the floor by her piano like some weird fungus. I realised that if I ever wanted to get even with her, now was the chance. I was home alone, just me and the teacher with no one around to see what I’d do, so you know what I did? I hid. I ran upstairs and literally cowered under the bed. [Panicked breathing] I was fucking terrified of her! I didn’t care if she wasn’t strong enough to open the door by herself, or if shuffling up the street to my house used what little life force she had left from sucking the souls out of innocent babies, I was not confronting her, so I hid for about an hour, and she left, and I never spoke to her again. No more piano, no more piano, no more piano! [Babbles as sinister music intestifies] Ah, whatever! I told my parents she moved to Scotland or something, and I decided that instead, I would spend my money on something that would make me happy: a pet hamster. *cheering sound effect* And we all know how well that worked out, don’t we? [nervous laugh] Oh, rest in peace, Suki. Jesus, I had a traumatising childhood, didn’t I? And there we go, my parents never found out why I stopped my lessons, I didn’t speak to the evil piano teacher ever again, and I didn’t get round to learning how to read sheet music or improving in any way, so now I just learn songs that I like by ear and play them really badly. [plays Mia and Sebastian’s Theme from ‘La La Land’ end] [bell sounds, applause] But now, after literally ten years, I think I’m finally over it and I’m actually considering getting lessons again, which is why I decided to film this, and hey, this time, if the teacher’s mean to me, I’ll tell my Mum! Instead of just suffering in silence. Which I did quite a lot as a child. I guess the point I’m making in this video is don’t let anybody crush your spirit, find somebody positive that will nurture your talent and inspire you, and Arthur had a bigger impression on me as a child than any adult. *realises how crap life is* The End. *outro* Well, that was really like a public therapy session, wasn’t it? Eh, who am I kidding, that’s this entire channel, isn’t it? Leave a comment down below this post telling me any stories that you might have about any insane, or maybe inspiring, teachers that have a more just ending than mine hopefully, and I will read those later. Thanks. If you want more slightly too personal stories from somebody less functional than yourself then you can click here to subscribe to my channel, and make sure you ding that bell to get notifications when I upload. Also, make sure you check out the videos that I am uploading to my side channel each week, which are hour-long livestreams where I have deep, philosophical, intimate conversations about things which you might enjoy if you want to see another side of me, and yeah, Arthur is furry propaganda designed to brainwash our children and that is all. Bye!

100 thoughts on “My Evil Piano Teacher”

  1. Space Face says:

    Don’t worry I play violin because of Sherlock and wanted to play clarinet because of squidward

  2. ireland doesn't exist says:

    Talk shit about Fur Elise and I will kill you.

  3. Sonata Pathétique says:

    I wish I would've been your piano teacher ;( I always try to communicate with my students in the softness and funniest way possible. Music is hard man.

  4. Avi Kim says:

    I THOUGHT ONLY MY SCHOOL HAD THOSE KEYBOARDS WTF

  5. schmelly beans says:

    I need to track down the person who did the English captions did yoU DO IT DAN DID YOU DO THE CAPTIONS

    playing piano like a innocent phillip
    PHILLIP!

    UN DEUX TROIS QUATRE CINQ SIX SEPT HUIT NUEF
    i did exactly as you said, pa
    M y n a m e i s P i p . I a m a p o t . A n d I ' m a b o u t t o g e t s h o t

  6. another one bites the dick says:

    my guitar teacher is great but he laughs at me HAHAHAHAH

  7. Hyunny Bee says:

    7:59 this hits different now DAN YOU ARE AMAZINGG

  8. Koby Zahlia says:

    7:55 ok wow im sad-

  9. Dingus says:

    D u s t y m e a t c a v e

  10. Robin Belle says:

    like an innocent phillip omg uwu

  11. DWMSnIpez says:

    What a beautiful start to the video.

  12. Anjellike1 says:

    Look at that T H I C C mane on his head coming in nicely! ^_^

  13. No one says:

    You’re what made me want to take piano lessons. I’m serious

  14. Amanda says:

    she was probably a ghoul

  15. Maya sc says:

    My cats name is suki huh

  16. Pukaa says:

    "Jesus, I had a traumatizing childhood."
    that sure as hell hits different now. oof

  17. 0- 0 says:

    6:16 you're welcome 🙂

  18. Hooly_ Crab says:

    I love how Dan always says he’s awful at playing piano, when he’s freaking incredible at it?!! Like I wish I could play the piano!!!

  19. Persephone Gonzales says:

    I play guitar my teacher encouraged me to try mariachi but I asked her to teach me how to play rock songs first one I learned was house of the rising sun

  20. Bleu Rain says:

    this hits differently

  21. Izzy g says:

    "I taught my self to play."
    G NOTES US

  22. Oof I dont know says:

    that was my first fan video

  23. Valerie Pritchett says:

    Dan you are a pianist!

    … incase that didn’t sound weird read it aloud.

  24. Tenor Saxophone says:

    Little did Dan know she was one of his fans

  25. caitlin luckhurst says:

    thought he were talking about being a furrieeee

  26. caitlin luckhurst says:

    sherds

  27. Clara Blunsdon says:

    he had a crush on arthur

  28. Tara RM says:

    2:30 hi. my name is [d—

    the piano teacher is evil because she didn’t let him finish.

  29. fairyprism200 says:

    the last time i touched my piano was to press the g note to annoy someone…

  30. Suzanna says:

    I played the trumpet in 4th grade because i thought i could annoy my sister with it. So yeah we all learn things for dumb reasons.

  31. HailStorm 0_o says:

    Does anyone know what song he is playing at 7:40?? I’ve been wondering since I first watched this video

  32. Fading Feather says:

    huh. u think thats bad?

    i got stuck with a strict af teacher for 7 years. until i switched to a better one.

  33. Swaggy ass Alien says:

    So at one point I was obsessed with lettuce and still am

  34. angelbaaby xx says:

    sorry to be weird but i love dans hands

  35. Judy On Duty says:

    Oh my gosh the same thing happened to me.

  36. Mabelle Pryor says:

    I’ve been stuck with the same piano teacher for 6 freaking years!!! All she does is yell at me about my finger work!!! She is the reason I hate piano!!!

  37. mia rodgers says:

    rewatching this video for the thousandth time and realizing she's likely dead now whoops

  38. rebel rot says:

    "i had a traumatizing childhood, didn't i?"

    hits different

  39. That One Dude says:

    2:27 😂😂😂😂

  40. Madison Buchanan says:

    You’re amazing dan

  41. Paper Dragons says:

    Me, squinting desperately: Dan what books are on your desk,,,, I need to know

  42. I like Sanders Sides A lot says:

    I had a traumatic piano experience, except my teacher was INCREDIBLE! He moved away and I sometimes cry when I try to play piano

  43. Sarah Gobber says:

    what is Phil wearing

  44. Deanna Hernandez says:

    I’m glad you didn’t learn the g note

  45. Kyra Bumgarner says:

    H I M Y N A M E I S –

  46. Elizabeth Bott says:

    It fuckin moaned when my parents walked by… they are probably so concerned

  47. Trevor Salmans says:

    my state history teacher once took us to a victorian style house and left us outside while he talked to the owners to see if a class of seventh graders could have a tour of their home. we ended up yelling that our teacher was dead and singing hamilton lmao

  48. Nicci di Angelo daughter of Hades says:

    TURN ON SUBTITLES, YOU SHALL NOT REGRET

  49. LOSER YEYE says:

    Arthur was an Aardvark??? How did I not know this

  50. Kitty Cat says:

    Dan says he can play the piano badly and continues to show him playing twinkle twinkle little star without looking.

    I can’t even do that.

    reasons why phans are fails (yay)

  51. Super Sushi says:

    I feel so bad for Dan omg

  52. Nerys Huxley says:

    My first piano teacher was this awsome dude called Tony Skeggs and one day my current teacher asked me who my first teacher was so I told her and she flipped cause apparently he's this really famous musician with an entire wikapedia page about him

    The first time i typed famous i accedently put anus

  53. Stevie's Characters says:

    ᵗᵃᵏᵉ ᶦᵗ ᵉᵃˢʸ

  54. MrKoryMisun says:

    Jeebus, I bet there are piano players around the world who'd tutor a nice person like you for free.

  55. Hobiismysunshinee says:

    2:31
    Hi, my name is [ Dan ]

  56. no says:

    this is so sad,, only because maybe this is why dan thinks he’s bad at piano.

  57. Trash Can Of Doom says:

    I quit piano when I was 6, and I started learning it again because of Dan. I'm 16 now 😀

  58. uɐɥd ɥsɐɹʇ says:

    Ok dan you got exposed

    you had a crush on arthur

  59. Just a regular Phan here says:

    I have stayed up all night reading fan fiction and now it’s 8:45am I’ve decided to stop being creepy and watch YouTube 😂

  60. Akemi Oshiro says:

    Please children don't watch this kkkkkkkfunny

  61. Mykie Highmore says:

    in all seriousness, it makes sense why she is evil; her hair is literally the wig from psycho

  62. Abigail Harder says:

    Arthur was a kickass show

  63. Karl Mountain says:

    i had a similar experience with a band teacher that made me abandon trombone because he sucked so tremendously hard

  64. Griffin says:

    Dan are you a furry

  65. Martin Lorandin says:

    the intro will always be relevant

  66. Sara Sleightholm says:

    Does anyone know if he started lessons again? I think it would be wonderful for him to have an actual teacher
    [also I play piano and hearing someone say 'I picked it out by ear' makes me spaz, especially if they never learned fingering so I can guess they're most likely doing it wrong, but that's not their fault]

  67. Bella Boop says:

    Ok but why is the beginning clip me 😂🤣🤣🤣 I’m literally laughing so hard because how much I can relate to that. It’s literally me when I almost do a perfect song on camera and then BOOM the pianos like “HA FUCK YOU I DONT THINK SO BITCH”

  68. Emily Dentice says:

    dan is so genuinely funny and so entertaining – he makes like the best content

  69. Maybel Krasner says:

    ur piano teacher sounds like my teacher that her husband divorced her coz she treated him like her students.

  70. Lily Elizabeth says:

    My question is why the fuck were you watching Arthur when you were twelve😂😂

  71. Rose C says:

    Tbh he first time i watched this I thought it was Phil playing the piano at the end lol

  72. Matt Scott says:

    It’s not true…..

    Take me to the roooof-
    Told you not to worry ……

    What do you want from me?

    Don’t ask questions

    Wait a minute..
    Don’t you know I’m no good for you

    Baby I don’t feel so good………………………………

    (Fave song coming👁👄👁😝)ALL THE GOOD GIRLS GO TO HELL

    Bite my tongue bide my time

    What is it about

    I’m the bad guuuuuuuuyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

    Billie Eilish 2019 kids

  73. Welly Bebe says:

    Comment down below 2,000 percent of Subscribed and Liked

  74. Sebastian G. says:

    I hope my children will feel able to come to me if that would ever happen to them.

  75. ROCKainsLEE says:

    2:31
    Hi. My name is [–SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO

  76. Liz W says:

    Yep there was definitely something wrong with her! Christ I'm so sorry you had to put up with that crap. Funny video though!

  77. sadboi says:

    hey dan the way she treated you was abuse

  78. Emily ALLISON says:

    My sister plays piano

  79. the_fandom_fanatic says:

    Me: casually watching the video
    Also me, 30 seconds later:
    OH MY GOD IS THAT A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE BOOK BOX SET BEHIND DAN??!!!
    😂😂

  80. Leah H says:

    8:53 Phil playing piano in the background in a sequined jacket. 😂

  81. Mint Choc Chip says:

    I can play the piano and I have a Hamster

  82. Ruby Is Radioactive says:

    your aspirations to shreds-

  83. Swaggy ass Alien says:

    I’m binging dans videos cuz I’m sick 🦑🦑🦑

  84. MadGummi says:

    She’s probably dead now.

  85. h s says:

    the fact that dan can play by ear is rly amazing?!?

  86. Lunar Scorpio says:

    This video is why I never got a teacher. I taught myself everything in relation to music using the internet, books, and pretty much my head.

  87. Jess Alessandro says:

    Unlike Phil 2005 lol

  88. RandomFan286 says:

    I had a piano teacher who once told me "I know a song that will fit you well. It's called 'Crybaby!'" I quit after that.

  89. SMaLL WaFF3l says:

    Im learning how to play fur elise on piano and i know i write sins not tragedies and welcome to the black parade

  90. AshaRedFox says:

    I played violin for 3 years and my teacher was so nice to my friend but hated me. Cud I was bad a violin. I wish I was joking

  91. Heckrum says:

    1:31 wtf is the s in hugs?

  92. Lunarmaid says:

    The maths teacher talking about surds though! They are the worst! I had to learn them last year

  93. The rain, Tyler says says:

    I had a piano teacher that was so terrifying and creepy for seven. years. I escaped maybe 5 months ago. every time I smell some similar parfume as he had, I start shaking.

  94. 妳好 XxDragonxX 再见 says:

    My piano teacher is my primary spanish teacher so I'm all good

  95. Abz Edits says:

    1:04 to 1:13 we still got that keyboards in our house 💛

  96. Josie Smith says:

    2:29
    "Hi, my name is (Dan) "

  97. Red The Dog says:

    hekkin idiot

  98. Red The Dog says:

    I stan

  99. I Am: Dead says:

    Hi. My name is–

  100. Emily Kramer says:

    Im suddenly in a rabbit hole of dan’s videos

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *